


Growing Up Takes Courage

by TheCaptainOfThisFleet



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: But He Gets Better, Child Changkyun, Child Hyungwon, Falling In Love, Growing Up, Hyungwon starts out as an ass, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, Jooheon gets mentioned in passing, M/M, established kiho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-08 02:20:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17972609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCaptainOfThisFleet/pseuds/TheCaptainOfThisFleet
Summary: When they first meet, Hyungwon gets decked in the face and Changkyun is crying about it. It can only go upwards from there.





	Growing Up Takes Courage

When Hyungwon was nine, he was named the goal keeper at their elementary schools soccer team. He wasn't particularly good in it (or PE in general), but he was a tall third grader and sometimes he caught a ball only because he was directly aimed at.  
He wasn't the worst goal keeper either, so he did his thing and tried to catch as many balls as he could, even though he was really scared that they would hit his bruised ribs or his already black eye.  
Today was a match between his school and the international school that was a few blocks down. Hyungwon was focused on the ball when an asian kid on the opposing team stole the ball and came towards Hyungwon fast.  
Two men cheered from the bleachers on the side of the field. One yelled "You can do it, Kkukkungie!"  
Something in Hyungwons chest suddenly hurt so bad that he almost doubled over, but he didn't. Only pussies doubled over when in pain, his dad always said, real men endure pain and don't tell anyone.  
He was so distracted by the pain in his chest that he missed the shot and suddenly the ball hit him squarely in the face.  
Hyungwon went down like a tree and he heard the referee blow his whistle and yelling all over the field and he was looking at the sky. His nose bled (for the second time today) and his head hammered. Tears started pricking his eyes, but he refused to cry in public like this.  
Suddenly, the face of the kid that had kicked the ball popped up. He was crying hard and apologized about fifty times before their coach even reached Hyungwon to check on him. Hyungwon scoffed at the boy who was still crying and stood back up again, brushing away the dirt on his pants and wiping his nose.  
"You're a girly baby. Boys don't cry, it makes them weak." he said and watched how the other kid sniffled and hiccuped. He gulped down his own tears and told the coach that he was fine and that they could continue to play.  
The coach didn't let him and he was benched for the rest of the game. He grumbled because he wanted to look strong, but he was actually glad when he sat down. His head felt like it was filled with water and his nose wouldn't stop bleeding. He pushed a tissue up his nose and glared at the other players.  
The boy glanced over at him every few seconds. The name Daniel was written on his jersey, and below that something in Hangul. Hyungwon didn't actually learn how to read Hangul before his mother took his younger brother and left Hyungwon and his father behind.  
When the game was over (Hyungwons team lost), Daniel came over again to apologize some more, before he ran off to the two men from the bleachers. The man with the baseball cap picked him up and spun him, the other man kissed the top of his head.  
Hyungwon didn't want to look at them anymore, so he turned around to get his bag and head home. He pushed the bad feeling in his stomach and chest away.

\---------------------------------------------

"Are you okay?"  
The question startled Hyungwon so bad that he almost fell over. It wouldn't have mattered much, he thought, when he looked down at his dirty, soaked jersey pants that were ripped at one knee. When he looked up, the boy before him looked familiar. Hyungwon couldn't pinpoint where he knew the boy from, but it didn't really matter.  
"What do you want, punk?" he asked gruffly to play over how much breathing hurt.  
"I just wanted to know if you're okay. Don't you have an umbrella?" the boy continued. He wore what only could be a school uniform and held an umbrella in one hand and a soccer ball in the other. The only school that had uniforms in this county was the international school. Finally, it clicked with Hyungwon. This was the kid that had decked him in the face almost two years ago! He was the reason why Hyungwon wasn't allowed to play for the rest of the year (because of a "mild concussion" the school nurse said. Hyungwon called bullshit) and he had stopped being a goal keeper because they had found a better one.  
"Wait, you're the little punk that shot me in the face!" he yelled. The boy didn't flinch.  
"You're still mad about that, hyung? I apologized and it wasn't even on purpose." Being called hyung just hurt his bruised ribs even more. Only his younger brother had called him that and he hadn't seen Jooheon in years.  
"And I'm not here to fight with you, I wanted to know if you're alright. You looked like you needed help," the boy (Daniel! His name was Daniel) looked down at Hyungwons bloody knees and furrowed his eyebrows.  
"As if I needed the help of a girl like you," Hyungwon puffed again.  
"Hyung, I'm not a girl. And that's not even an insult."  
They stared at each other for a moment. Daniel held out the umbrella towards Hyungwon. His nails were painted blue and red.  
"Take it. It's not far to my house and you look like you need it more than I do."  
"I don't need your help, faggot!" Hyungwon yelled and turned around, walking right back where he had originally fled from. At least he knew what he had to expect around his father. 

\---------------------------------------------

The following day, Hyungwon ran into Daniel at the same spot again. It wasn't raining this time and Daniel neither had an umbrella or a soccer ball with him.  
"Hyung, it's not nice to call people faggots," Daniel said the second he saw him. He was a tiny kid and Hyungwon could probably beat him in a fight.  
"If you haven't noticed, I'm not a nice person," Hyungwon shot back. He wasn't used to smaller kids not being afraid of him. They looked at the black eyes, the bruised lips and arms and assumed he deserved them in a fight (he probably did deserve them, but it was less of a fight than most would think) and they were afraid of him.  
"I don't think so, hyung," Daniel said. "I just think you don't want to be nice."  
Hyungwon stared at the hand Daniel stretched out towards him.  
"My friends call me Danny, but you can call me Changkyun if you want."  
"You probably don't even have friends, fa-" Hyungwon started. Danny (Changkyun apparently) stopped him.  
"Don't say that. It's not bad if a man and another man love each other."  
"My dad says it's an abomination before God," Hyungwon answered, still staring at the hand. The nail polish had splintered, but he could still tell the colour.  
"God created every one of us. I don't think he makes mistakes," Changkyun said. "My dad says that it would be an abomination if they had ignored the soul mate God had built for them only because people can't see it."  
His hand was slowly lowering and Hyungwon couldn't let that happen. He gripped the smaller hand in his and shook it. It was way softer than his own.  
"I'm Hyungwon."  
"I'm happy to meet you, Hyungwon-hyung."

\---------------------------------------------

Hyungwon hadn't anticipated that this single meeting with Changkyun would change his life. He had thought that Changkyun would greet him when they passed each other on the street and that was it, but he apparently severely misjudged the younger boy.  
Even though they went to different schools and Hyungwon was sure that the other could ride home in a prissy fucking school bus, he didn't. Whenever school was over, Changkyun was already stood in front of the school gates of the public school Hyungwon went to and they went to the library or the soccer field to study a bit and talk. Because that was a thing Changkyun liked to do. Talk. About how his day had been and how he had been feeling and what made him upset.  
It took a long time for Hyungwon to get over his initial "Only pussies talk about feelings"-demeanour. Changkyun never took it personally, but he always looked at Hyungwon with stern eyes and said "Hyung, it's not healthy to pretend not to have feelings. It doesn't make you weak to talk about them. I think you're very brave when you talk about what scares you. It means you trust the person you're telling."  
Changkyun didn't tell Hyungwon what he was afraid of, so he wasn't feeling that bad that he didn't tell Changkyun either. He couldn't, not really. Changkyun wouldn't understand that the way he set down his books a bit forcefully sent Hyungwons heart in a frenzy or that the clatter of a stick against the metal fence of his school made him want to hide.  
Changkyun wouldn't understand and then he wouldn't want to be Hyungwons friend anymore and seeing his friend was really the only thing that got Hyungwon to open his eyes in the morning.

\---------------------------------------------

It took another years for Changkyun to invite Hyungwon over. Hyungwon, who spent most of his days outside and as far away from home as he could, welcomed the opportunity. It was getting cold and soon, he couldn't hang around the park anymore due to the cold.  
Changkyun introduced Hyungwon to his dads. Something in Hyungwons chest still felt uncomfortable when he was around them, but he also felt it when Changkyuns dad kissed his husband and then Changkyuns forehead before he left for work and even when Changkyun talked to one of Hyungwons seniors when he was waiting for Hyungwon to come from the showers after his PE classes, so he ignored it. It probably was the voice of his father saying something like "they're an abomination" or "fags don't deserve to live". He often tried to silence that voice, but it didn't work properly.  
Changkyuns other dad (he had introduced himself as Kihyun) had asked them if they wanted some snacks. Hyungwon hadn't eaten anything yet, but he didn't say that. Changkyun shrugged and said sure, before they moved farther into the living room to do their homework on the couch table.  
Hyungwon only flinched slightly when Mr. Kihyun appeared at their sides with a plate full of sandwiches and a jug filled with iced tea. He set them down quietly and brought two glasses and a bunch of tissues before Hyungwon watched him leave the room and walk into the garden.  
Changkyun pushed the plate towards Hyungwon and filled their glasses.  
"I know you're hungry hyung. Minhyuk-hyung says you're never in the cafeteria during lunchbreak."  
"Are you spying on me?" Hyungwon asked angrily. He was hungry, but for all the times Changkyun was speaking about trust, this was not cool.  
"No, hyung, of course not. Minhyuk-hyung asked who I was waiting for the other day, because he saw me at the school gates a bunch of times. We talk when you're running late because he's worried I'll get kidnapped or something. He said to also watch out for you because he never sees you during lunch period."  
Hyungwon didn't know exactly who Minhyuk was. He had never noticed that someone else noticed where he was or wasn't. He had always thought it was only the kids that left a room when he entered.  
"Eat, or I'm telling dad that you don't eat enough and he will start a project with a name like "Make Hyungwon Eat All The Food In The House Because He's Too Skinny" or something," Changkyun threatened. Hyungwon wasn't exactly opposed to the idea of eating so much, but he didn't like to think about what Mr. Kihyun would think about him if he knew.  
"I'm kidding, hyung. I would never tell my dads, or anyone, things you didn't want them to know."  
Hyungwon nodded slowly and took a sandwich.

\---------------------------------------------

Hyungwon got used to be in Changkyuns house. They went there often after school, when they didn't want to be in a public space like the library and when it was too cold outside.  
"Hyungwonnie, do you want to stay for dinner?" Mr. Kihyun asked when the teens hung around in the living room watching some anime Changkyun liked.  
"No, Mr. Kihyun, it's okay, my dad wants me home by seven," Hyungwon lied off the top of his head. He could feel Changkyun look at him quizzically (Changkyun knew that Hyungwon didn't have a curfew and that his father also didn't wait for him to come home for dinner), but he was like a deer caught in the headlights of Mr. Kihyuns worried eyes.  
"I can call him to tell him that you're staying for dinner, if you want," Mr. Kiyhun offered. Abort mission.  
"No, it's okay, I'll call him myself!" Hyungwon half-yelled and jumped up. "Excuse me for a sec." He fled the scene into Changkyuns bedroom (the second door on the right of the hallway) to calm his rapid breathing. He couldn't call his dad, his dad would murder him when he found out where Hyungwon kept staying after school.  
He returned to the living room two minutes later and gratefully accepted the invitation. He wasn't even sure his father would notice him missing.  
Changkyun kept glancing at Hyungwon during dinner and whenever Hyungwon was in the slightest bit distracted, his plate had been refilled. He wasn't even sure if it was Changkyun that did that or maybe Mr. Kihyun. It probably wasn't Mr. Hoseok, because he was the one distracting Hyungwon. Partly because Mr. Hoseok was a very muscular man and it reminded Hyungwon of his bruises and partly because, in opposite to his body, Mr. Hoseok was a very nice man that seemed to be genuinely interested in what Hyungwon wanted to do in the future. Hyungwon didn't have the heart to tell him that he was probably dropping out of high school and do whatever job he could get to survive, so he made something up about maybe going to college and currently reading up on what he could major in with his grades.  
Changkyun glanced at him again and Hyungwon remembered that he had told Changkyun that he was held back a year (because of bad behaviour and also because he missed too many classes) and that he didn't have the money to go to college.  
When Hyungwon was about to go home after dinner, Changkyun walked him out. On the front porch, he said "You didn't call your dad, did you?"  
Hyungwons first thought was to lie, to say he did and that it was okay. He said no.  
Changkyun nodded thoughtfully and looked at a flickering street light. Then he looked back at Hyungwon and asked: "Will you be okay?"  
Hyungwon swallowed around a sudden lump in his throat and just shrugged. Then, Changkyun stepped forward to hug him.  
They had never hugged before, because Hyungwon was decidedly against skin ship ("It's gay!" - "Being gay is not a bad thing, Hyungwonnie-hyung. And it's not that big of a deal to touch your friends") and Changkyun respected his personal space and his decisions. It felt a bit awkward, because Hyungwon had gone through a growth spurt and Changkyun would probably never be that tall, but it still made a warm feeling blubber up in Hyungwons chest.  
After a minute or two, he started squirming and Changkyun let him go.  
"Be careful, hyung," Changkyun said and Hyungwon turned around abruptly to avoid the worried look his friend sent him.

\---------------------------------------------

Hyungwon recovered from that evening (and everything that followed later) with relative ease and he started to stay over at Changkyuns house more often. Mr. Kihyun and Mr. Hoseok welcomed him with warm smiles and full plates and they didn't pry on him too much.  
But one time, Changkyun was outside helping Mr. Kihyun with hanging up a few plotted pants, Mr. Hoseok sat across Hyungwon on the dinner table.  
"Hyungwonnie. I want you to know that you can trust us, okay?" was the first thing he said and Hyungwon looked up from the book he was allowed to borrow from Mr. Kihyun.  
"I know you don't have it easy at home and if there's anything Kihyun or I can do to help you, please tell us."  
"I don't need your help and I don't want your pity," Hyungwon answered forcefully. He regretted it immediately. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, sorry, sorry," he started stammering, looking down and ready for Mr. Hoseok to yell at him for being so rude.  
Mr. Hoseok shook his head. "There's no need to feel sorry. I understand where you're coming from. It's not a shame to accept the help of people that care about you, Hyungwonnie." His voice was still soft and he didn't look angry.  
"I'm sorry, Mr. Hoseok. I just... I can't. I can't." Hyungwon said. And, looking into Mr. Hoseoks soft eyes, he repeated. "I can't."  
"That's okay. It's hard to change what growing up a certain way did to us. If you ever want to talk about it, or if you want us to help, just tell us. We're on your side, okay?"  
Mr. Hoseok left with a soft smile and joined his husband and son outside. Changkyun smiled at Hyungwon widely. Hyungwons heart stuttered a bit, the way it had done for months now, but he smiled back.

\---------------------------------------------

When one day, Changkyun stood at the gates of Hyungwons school with a bloody lip and a forming bruise around his eye, Hyungwon saw red. He slung an arm around Changkyuns shoulders and let the younger bleed over his ratty sweater. Over Changkyuns head, he caught the eye of Minhyuk, who nodded at him with a stern face.  
Hyungwon guided Changkyun to his house and as soon as they entered it, Mr. Kihyun was fussing over Changkyun. Hyungwon excused himself and said that he had to finish something first, but if it was okay, he would come back later.  
As soon as Hyungwon reached the end of the street, he was accompanied by Minhyuk. Hyungwon never talked much with him, only a few times when Minhyuk had been waiting with Changkyun. But they both knew that someone had to bleed today and for a change, it wasn't Hyungwon and it certainly wasn't Changkyun.

They returned with bloodied knuckles and Hyungwon had a new bruise blooming on his cheek, but they were satisfied. Mr. Kihyun looked at them as if he wanted to scold the two boys. He didn't, he ushered them into the living room, where he dressed their battle wounds.  
Changkyun looked at them with wide eyes. Minhyuk shrugged and Hyungwon told him not to worry about it. The other kid wouldn't bother him anymore.

\---------------------------------------------

Hyungwon got used to the way his arm felt around Changkyuns shoulders. He got used to how Mr. Kihyun didn't even look up from his book anymore when he trailed behind Changkyun. Mr. Kihyun didn't even ask anymore if he wanted to stay for dinner. Mr. Hoseok just set out a fourth pair of cutlery and a plate.  
Changkyun fell asleep on the couch while Hyungwon still was doing homework (he had decided he wanted to try to get into a community college after Mr. Hoseok and Mr. Kihyun had kept encouraging him), so Hyungwon let the younger rest against him, kept moving to a minimum and let him sleep as long as he wanted.  
He also got used to sleeping next to Changkyun. The older he got, the less time Hyungwon spent actually at the house he had called home for too many years. He started out on an air mattress at the feet of Changkyuns bed, but with time, the mattress disappeared and additional pillows and blankets appeared on the bed.  
Hyungwon had gotten over his fear of skin ship and got used to Changkyun koala-ing him very quickly. Changkyun latched onto him the second he fell asleep and Hyungwon was left to organize their limbs in a comfortable way.

It was one of these nights, even though Changkyun wasn't yet asleep and wasn't wrapped around Hyungwon like some kind of octopus. Hyungwon was facing him, because in his experience, it was way easier to handle Changkyun around when he wasn't latched onto Hyungwons back.  
Suddenly, Changkyun twisted around, facing Hyungwon too.  
"Hyungwonnie-hyung... You wouldn't hate me, would you?" he whispered. Hyungwon closed his eyes and sighed.  
"Kyunnie, you kicked a leather ball straight into my face and I didn't hate you, how can I ever hate you now?"  
"You hated me for two years," Changkyun insisted. Hyungwon sighed again and opened one eye.  
"I also didn't know any better."  
When Changkyun didn't say anything else, Hyungwon closed his eye again.  
"If there's nothing else bother-" Hyungwon started, but he couldn't even finish his sentence when Changkyun rushed forward and kissed him. Hyungwons eyes shot open and Changkyun retreated a bit. They stared at each other with wide eyes.  
And then they kissed again.

**Author's Note:**

> The driving forces behind this are my baby sister and [this gif-set](http://chiqkihyun.tumblr.com/post/139208753174/the-moment-when-kiho-look-like-those-typical), so bear with me.
> 
> I'm not a native speaker and actually not as good in English as I pretend to be, so if you find mistakes, tell me and I'll fix it.


End file.
